You Need To Believe That You Have Control Of Your Life To Be Happy
Here’s how to focus on the things that you actually can control
I have struggled with the need for control for most of my life.
For a long time, I felt like my life was out of control, out of my hands. Every day, it felt like things happened to me that I didn’t expect or didn’t want. And that filled me with enormous anxiety. So then I tried to control external things — other people, or my physical space. I was trying to get that feeling of control back. But the ways that I was trying to do it never quite accomplished the goal. And that only filled me with more anxiety.
Now I understand that part of the experience of anxiety is an enormous fear of uncertainty. When life isn’t predictable, when we aren’t sure what will happen next (which is pretty much always), we feel powerless in our life. Then we fight for control over external things. As a misdirected coping mechanism to feel like we have some sort of agency.
Because there is often a disconnect. A misunderstanding of what we can control and what is beyond our control. Or what actions and behaviors we can control that will actually give us the results that we want. Instead of creating more anxiety and fear.
